Musick Making

With faith in my stomach and pain in my voice, my honest heart yells at God.

2011-12-28T21:48:00.000-08:00

I need space to vent right now and this is where it is going to happen.
We live in a day of modern medicine but I have become very aware of a huge gap or lack of higher level services for mentally ill children between the ages of 3-5 year old.

Child abuse is the "ugly step-sister" in our society. Nobody wants to talk or hear about it. Just recently on NPR there was a report that a large child pornography website had been shut down. The site included videos of babies and small children being raped. Some of you may not be able to read on but I am still going to write because everyday I love a child that was horrifically abused the first two years of life. I know what happens to a child when they have been raped before having two words in her vocabulary. These children have no voice, no power. Where is there agency? It is taken by evil.

I watch as the daughter I love can not love me because her brain has been damaged on an organic level because she was not nurtured and her basic needs were not met. She feels like she does not deserve love and fears to love anybody because people always go away. So that makes strangers much more comfortable to be around than loving family members. My daughter draws pictures that are called "my screams." She tells me about fire in her bum and babies with bloody bums and black blood in their poop.
The professionals say that we have provided the "ideal" intervention for two years and now our last option is a residency placement. Okay, so that is hard. But then we are told, no program will take a child so young. So your child has special needs that can only be met by a 24 hour staff but no one can help you do that so good luck. A helpless child, victim's needs can't be met.
I called NAMI this week, the leaders in education for mental illness. I explained my situation and on the other end of the phone a cold voice said, "We cannot help you."
These children that lost their agency early in life are horrible to live with. They live in a hell of their own. Most children with severe abuse early in life are so difficult that they burn through loving homes every few months. Which only exasperates their attachment disorder.
I have opened my daughters room to find her covered in her own blood. How did it happen? With her very short fingernails.
I watch this child eat and eat until her stomach is extended and she throws up. So scared that there will not be enough food. She drew a picture last week of a sad and mad baby. She said, "baby not know if hers have food any more." And then we have the sippy cups hidden under the bed and PICA where eats things that are not food like chalk, plastic, metal items, feces etc.

Crisis workers told us six months ago that it would hurt her attachment to be placed in a psychiatric hospital while I sat there shaking with the trauma of seeing a small child injure herself on a daily basis. I was relieved when Kenna was admitted into the psychiatric hospital. The hospital gave the crisis workers "feedback" on the situation because the hospital should have seen Mckenna 6 months ago when we were dealing with 2 major issues instead of 6. I thanked our treatment team about giving that "feedback" to the crisis workers because I don't think most parents could have made it through the last 6 months. They all agreed. I would like to think that our pain helped those that will come down our same path access help for their child's needs sooner.
When Mckenna was 3 we had a few rough days, as usual, so I was keeping an extra close eye on her. She was sitting on a bar stool at the bar. I turned around to stir dinner on the stove, I turned back and saw Mckenna with vacant eyes carving a plastic knife back and forth across her wrist. Three years old! Not looking for attention, just quietly hurting herself.
In that moment I ask where was God's mercy and gift of agency? Sometimes I get so mad, with faith in my stomach and pain in my voice, my honest heart yells at God. I think He appreciates honesty in our feelings and this is what I say, "Where is Your justice, mercy and gift of agency when a child is hurt before they have a voice?" I ask for justice to those who have injured a small child in such a horrific manner.
Wow, now I am exhausted from venting, there is so much more but I need the sleep.
Sorry if this was too graphic. I will not be afraid to give a voice to those little ones that do not have one.

SG Triathlon- Sprint

2011-05-24T10:55:00.001-07:00

Had an amazing weekend with Gaila, Mary Jane and Steve. I drove down Thursday night with Steve. We stayed at the Grow's home in Ivans, just outside of St George. These wonderful friends were so supportive and fussed over me. Taking care of 5 kids and a husband, I wasn't accustomed to being fussed over, it was healing in a way. I didn't have a lot of support during High School sports so having friends support me meant a lot! When Gaila, Mary Jane and I get together, people think we are drunk. Thinking up the most inappropriate situations possible, we laugh until our abs hurt and tears run down our faces.

Then at other times we cried tears of sadness over life's injustices to children.

A lot of my best friends are 20, 30 and even 40 years older than me. I have noticed that with older friends or male friends there is less competitiveness, loving each other unconditionally without competing against one another is so liberating.

Friday we spent time up Snow Canyon and then we headed over to beautiful Sand Hollow Reservoir for a practice swim and to check out the course. This was my first time swimming with a wetsuit! The weather was grumpy and the water showed it with rolling waves. I kept up with the group from the timp tri club even though panic was in my heart. Thinking, "Wave! Breath. Wave! Breath!" I survived to swim another day. We went into St George to packet pick up where Gaila made 20 more friends. When I got home I realized that the body marker volunteer put 44 on my leg for age. Do I look 44 years old or did I stutter?

Steve made a little wager that if I got under two hours on the race he would pay for dinner at Red Lobster. I enjoyed my tilapia for free!

This was my first tri try in 4 years. I was interested to see how my time would compare to four years ago. Because of the following:

1- I was carrying 6% more body fat than four years ago.

2- It was a different course.

3- I wasn't running with a concussion like I did four years ago (that is another story).

4- I started a new training program called Crossfit. I did very little mileage the last few weeks.

5- I am 33 not 29 year old.

6- Two years ago, I blew out my heart valve and had a pericardial effusion.

For me, a beginner triathlete, the result was a personal record time by 8 minutes, finishing at 1 hour 52 minutes and a few seconds. Ranking 59 out of 150 women is average but for me it felt above average. A personal victory over many emotional and physical trials.

The 750 M swim was fun, 19.47 minutes. Chatting with other athletes and making new friends is a fun part and atmosphere of a race. I think Gaila made 20 new friends. During the swim and bike I thought, "This is sooooo fun!" I felt strong during the famous bike hill of St George, even encouraging other athletes that were struggling. While biking, my big gear wouldn't stay shifted, I found out later that the cable was loose. I could have pushed harder on the bike but was anticipating the run. The run, well, not my strength. I need to work on running faster paces. I always finish races with a 50 meter sprint. Gotta love goose bumps at the finish. Then, usually, after races I get a sick stomach followed by a viral infection. But with good hydrating and supplementing with airborne and zinc lozenges, there was no sickness. Yeah! After the race I enjoyed a massage followed by eating lettuce and oranges (the post race food provided had gluten and milk in it). Part of my fitness plan is to eat more "paleo." Oats are something I haven't given up and its hard to cut out all sugar because athletes need the sugar during endurance sports. Paleo just makes my GI tract happier and it is a healthier life style.

Sunday we took a quick stroll up Snow Canyon and attended a local sacrament meeting, where Gaila made 20 more new friends. Then I drove home with Gaila.

Sweet Spencer survived the weekend with our hundred kids, autism, and crazy strict allergy issues. He admitted to me that he would roll over to my side of the bed at night to smell my pillow. So cute and supportive.

This will be a hard weekend to forget, beautiful scenery and beautiful friends. Good times!

Pixies and Kisses

2011-02-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

Tender headed hair chewing Cynthia got a hair cut this week. It was a special date since we have never paid for a hair cut before. I wanted Cynthia to feel special with short hair. Her pixie hair cut matches her enchantingly sweet and bubbly personality. Hopefully the new hair cut will also cut out the hair chewing habit that created quite the dreadlocks for this tender headed pixie.

Favorite blanket of all time made by Great Grandma Breinholt.

So Sweet!

Richard is so much like Grandpa Richard. He likes quiet time, chocolate, soft clothes, tends to be opinionated and at times a little on the grumpy side.

I can't believe how big he is getting, as you can see in the picture below, he is bursting at the seams.

Richard doesn't like change when it comes to sippy cups and clothes. He tantrums when we introduce new clothes to his soft cotton wardrobe.

Throughout the day Richard demands in his deep voice "choco miwk" and in exchange I say, " I wonna kiss." He SLOWLY puckers his little lips and plants a slightly embarrassed kiss on my cheek.

This is true joy! A Richard kiss. I am truly infatuated by this valiant little man.

Mood Swing Love

2011-02-20T19:45:00.000-08:00

Before Christmas, with the help of a wonderful neighbor Wayne Hardman, I installed beam supports above Kenna's room for an indoor swing. This was one of those gifts I could hardly wait til Christmas to open.
We have two swings. One a canvas Ikea swing and the other a Lycra hammock that I ordered online and smells like Las Vegas plus gross cigarette cover up spray. The Lycra swing is Kenna's favorite. Autistic children, like Kenna, love to swing. The movement helps them to relax.

This is Kenna's Happy Place!

What a smile!

Kenna rubs her face into the swing and sometimes, as seen in this picture, she licks it trying to get her sensory needs met.
She goes from hot red anxious hyperventilation to a state of Zen deep breathing in a matter of minutes. It is miraculous.

We had three great weeks but this week, not so much. What a blessing this swing is during weeks like this when her body has acclimated to her meds and we are all ready to scream and cry because of one broken terrorized brain.

We just celebrated Valentines Day this week. A time to express love to those around us. But it is weeks like this that I see my imperfect love. It is so easy to love a child that gives back to you and responds quickly to love. But Kenna is different. It's like fumbling around in the dark hoping that our good intentions and love is sinking in and that the angry frustrated moments are not sticking.

The progress in the last year is astounding, she is amazing. But when she goes back to food gorging, reactive, disregulated and crazy energy, lets face it, I get a little crazy myself. She is so much easier to love when she is regulated/medicated. But that wasn't the plan apparently. Apparently, I have a lot to learn from this little person. Part of me can look back over these hard times and say I DID MY BEST. Another part of me wishes that I was more and that I had a more perfect love like our Savior. A love that has no end. A love that has no scarcity. A love that is patient and infinite.

I know that MY BEST IS ENOUGH. That is what I can put on the alter, my best effort. It still isn't perfect and that is why the atonement is a part of my life daily, because I am far from perfect on my best day. How could I ever have hope without Jesus Christ? A loving brother that saves me. That is true love. A true Valentine.

Provo Half Marathon

2011-01-23T21:52:00.000-08:00

Better late than never on blogging stuff, Right?

Marilyn (Mom), Me, Liz, Jason

How many people can say that they have run 13.1 miles with their sister and mom? I can! Also throw in a brother-in-law for fun and that makes up my first 1/2 marathon that was on Halloween day. It was fun to see other friends also enjoying the costumes and fresh fall air in Provo Canyon. Go Thomsens!

Warning, Sorry, bragging coming up! ........My Mom ran her first Marathon 1 year after having breast cancer and a double mastectomy. She is 57 year old! Your an inspiration Mom. Go Mom!

This fall was also my baby's 2 year birthday. Which mean that two years ago, (1 week after Richard's birth) I was told by a cardiologist that I had a heart of a 80 year old woman. It took me 45 minutes to walk 1/2 mile, two year ago. But look now, I am running (around the average 1/2 marathon time)! Go Danielle!

Posing for Clayton Beck

2011-01-23T20:55:00.001-08:00

Final painting

Clayton Beck

What can I say, I'm vain!

I am really interested in art. I feel compelled and pulled to it. I have this need to create and see through others eyes. Last fall, I was asked by Ryan Brown the owner of CAS (Center for Academic Study and Naturalist Painting), a small art school in Springville Utah, to pose for Clayton Becks demo of portrait painting. Clayton Beck is known nationally for portrait painting, he studied with painters like Richard Schmid. The demonstration was really cool. I learned a lot while getting paid, which helped pay for my tuition. I remember that day well because it was the day I got Mckenna's autism diagnosis.

The school teaches after the classic European masters. I was studying figure drawing which was interesting and difficult. At first, I wasn't sure how I would feel about drawing nudes but the atmosphere was totally professional. The human body is so beautiful and very complicated to replicate on paper. I am a total amateur but I have also been studying with Patrick Devonas who is an AMAZING master painter and admirable person. My other very good friend and teacher Mary Jane Grow (yes that is her real name) has been so supportive and taught me about enjoying the process. I have such great friends that are so dear and precious to me. I am so blessed.

Mouse Trapping Club

2011-01-23T20:30:00.000-08:00

Did you ever start a club when you were a kid? Like a "babysitters club" or "no girls allowed club?"

Just had to share! Eight year old Katrina has a club. She starts it up annually as the mice flee the local construction zones to share in the warmth of our home which has a bountiful abundance of food on the floor after all meals.

Here is what her Club Flier says:

Mouse Trapping Club

Rat(picture of rat x'ed out) + Mouse (picture of mouse x'ed out) =

Mouse/rat trappers (picture of happy kids)

Team Members

Alex,Claire, Ishmael?, Israel?

Rat Leader: Katrina

Fun Activities

1. Play Mouse Trap TM for practice

2. Draw pictured of our plan

3. Make practice traps

4. Roll play of mouse trap

Mouse Pledge

(this is the best part)

I pledge to not scream when I see a mouse (Guess I can't be in the club) and, to make good and smart traps. I promise these things to the Mouse Trapping Club.

I hope this made you smile like it did me. Katrina is a natural leader and so creative.

To our Family and Friends about McKenna

2010-11-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

Dear family and friends,

McKenna has been the greatest challenge that Spencer and I have ever had. I would take three high risk teenager girls over one 35 pound three year old. Trials make us bitter or stronger. I prefer the latter.

We have now had Mckenna for one year. When we first got Mckenna we had no idea that she was so broken. She came to us 26 months old with a five word vocabulary, she now has over 250 words in her vocabulary. She was anxious about food -- there was never enough, gorging until she would throw up and hoarding sippy cups under her bed. It is really sad, she never once asked for her mother. She hadn't formed an attachment to a parent figure, causing Reactive Attachment Disorder. I thank God that we got her before the age of three because at three years old attachment seals over like cement. If attachment has not occurred before that time it becomes like chipping away at cement.

We worked so hard, it took months before she would drink from a bottle and let us rock her to form trust. We had over 30 appointments a month in therapy. Later came brief moments of eye contact. I saw the REAL Mckenna only 2 times in our first 11 months with her. Those brief glimpses kept me going on days that I was emotionally done with her. When Mckenna's Psychiatrist told me that she had attached, I almost cried with joy. It took so much heartache and rejection after rejection. Her attachment is still not secure but it is there. I continue to feed her at least one meal a day to help her remember to trust that we will take care of her and that she will have enough food.

This summer Mckenna's attachment was getting better but her anxiety was getting worse so last month we went in for more assessments.

On top of the disorders from neglect, Mckenna was diagnosed with Autism spectrum last month. She has PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PDD). We are still trying to learn what that means.

Autism has a spectrum of disorders with autistic disorder being the most severe, Mckenna has a higher-functioning form. 1 in 1,000 children born in the U.S. are diagnosed with PDD. Mckenna is very intelligent and clever. PDD is a neurological condition, the cause is genetics and possibly infection, immune system problems, allergies, even drugs or environmental pollution. PDD children tantrum A LOT until about age 5 1/2 to 6 years old because their brains have mini seizures. Mckenna's vocabulary/language is advanced considering that she has PDD. With early intervention and LOTS of support PDD people go to school, work, marry and have families.

This Wednesday at 7pm Kids On The Move in Orem has a panel with adults who have autism discussing what it is like to be autistic. If you are interested we would love to have you come.

Red Box has a great movie out called Temple Grandin. Dr. Temple Grandin has a different form of autism than Mckenna but the movie helped us understand a little better what it is like to be in Mckenna's skin. Anxious! Like McKenna says, "I need to calm down."

Carie sent me a great link to a pod cast. Mckenna is not as severe as the two stories (act one and two) in the pod cast, but I totally relate to the parents of Reactive Attachment Disorder and autistic children: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/317/unconditional-love

Mckenna's senses are much more sensitive than ours, she hears things 10 times louder than we do, lights are much brighter. Textures are wonderful or exhausting to her. She craves physical stimulus similar to an itch on your back that can't be reached. Sometimes she can't get enough stimulation and other times she is way over stimulated, it is a fine line. She doesn't read social cues, so social situations and groups of people stress her out. Some suggestions.....When you greet her, if she doesn't greet you, she is probably overwhelmed, it's best to just ignore her. But if she approaches you, by all means quietly greet her remembering that loud noises stress her out. It is better to go into her world and bring her out to our world. When she behaves like a wild animal, look at her and think "she is crying for help." A mom with an autistic son recently told me that autism is like having a little purple monster in the brain that runs around pulling out plugs and pooping all over.

Autistic children tend to have a lot of allergies and immune system problems (Mckenna had tubes put in her ears last June after 8 ear infections in 3 months). She is on a special diet that helps her tummy and brain a lot. No gluten (wheat, rye, and barley), no casein (dairy), no food dyes/preservatives and very little sugar.

She really likes coloring, school, riding the bus to school, play dough, riding her bike, touching water, swinging, back scratches, baby wipes, lotion, singing songs, and stickers. She is very proud that she poops and pees in the potty.

We now have medication. The changes we see happen slowly but the progress is very exciting. Instead of being a terrorized hyperactive child, she is now a happy hyperactive child. Yeah for drugs! We get more glimpses of the REAL Mckenna verses the SICK Mckenna. Last month she started saying, "I love you Mommy" or "I love you Daddy."

Every time I have to write Mckenna's surname (Morgan) it pulls at my heart. It reminds me that we have not finalized the adoption and she is not ours eternally, yet. We are working on accessing subsidies for adopting a special needs child via social security disabilities because therapy and medication is expensive. Therefore, we will probably not have the adoption finalized for a while still as we wait for more word on the SSI help.

This is a long post but I wanted to communicate with you concerning our needs and appreciation of your support concerning the ongoing saga of Mckenna. We could not do this without your support. It is REALLY hard. But we know without a doubt that it is the right thing to do. Love is greater than fear! I think that sometimes we are given more than we can handle..... so that we are forced to ask for help - both from the Lord as well as from family and others. We are very blessed.

P.S. This is Spencer. I know at times it may have appeared that I was not on board with the decision to keep McKenna because, well, it was true - I wasn't on board. I kept hoping that Danielle would change her mind and give McKenna back to Sarah (her birth mom). I kept seeing McKenna as a temporary trial that we had to endure until some not-so-distant future date that we could finally get rid of her. Come to think of it, this manner of thinking was really damaging not only my relationship with her, but it was even damaging me, to an extent. I recently (within the past month) came to the understanding that this is something that not just Danielle, but the Lord wants me to do. I realize how hard it is to love her and to eventually accept her as our own (which I'm still struggling with), but I feel that if the Lord wants us to do something, we should probably do it, regardless of the difficulty of the task. I was only able to recently come to this understanding via some heavy soul searching and a ton of prayer and faith in the Lord. I might ask each of you to say a prayer - not necessarily for us, but for yourselves - to learn that this is what God wants our family to do. It's hard because I can see in so many of our family members' eyes the sense of foreboding and fear that McKenna might end up tearing our family and marriage apart. All I can ask is that each of you have the faith and acceptance that everything is going to be okay. I realize that it is going to be hard, but I know it will be worth it in the end.

We are not saints or think we are better than others for having Mckenna, we are not unique in our trials, we all have hard things in our lives in one form or another. We are taking it a day at a time, just like you.

Love,

Danielle and Spence

A words

2010-10-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, A.D.D., and drum roll please......AUTISM. Mckenna is autistic. The first time I heard this I was thrilled. Yes, I really was because finally someone listened to me and validated all of my thoughts and feelings. But then the next day it hit me in the stomach hard. I am still working on the grieving process. She scored high enough to rank autism disorder but she is more likely P.D.D. spectrum. With Mckenna it is so complicated because of her other diagnosis which include Reactive Attachment Disorder, Anxiety mood disorder, P.I.C.A., P.T.S.D. Labels are helpful because then I know what I am up against and then educate myself about the label or maybe they just make me feel like there is control to the chaos.

I think autism is like a little furry monster in the brain with crazy googly eyes that runs around pooping and peeing on everything and while laughing, pulls out plugs. Autism can be a gift, to be able to see things in such extreme detail while teaching those around them true love. But for a parent of an autistic child, autism is a purple monster in the brain of your child.

What keeps me going is the 2 or 3 times that I have seen the REAL Mckenna. She is beautiful and compassionate! I am glad God has given me those glimpses so I can have something to hold onto during bad seasons.

With the kids food allergies, asthma, autism and suspected A.D.D., I am putting half our family on a gluten/casein free diet. In other words I am relearning how to cook. Wheat is in so many things. A loaf of gluten free bread is $6. I think our grocery bill is going to at least double. But I feel in my heart that this is the right direction to go. Healing through biomedical ways instead of putting band aids on symptoms.

I never thought I would medicate a three year old. But then we got Kenna. She lives in terror and thus, so do we. Spencer and I agree that this is the hardest thing we have ever done. I would prefer three high risk teenagers over one broken brained three year old.
I was told that PDD kids get easier when they hit 5 1/2 to 6 years old. I hope we make it. The other morning Mckenna had 5 tantrums before 8:30 am. The painful thing is that she can hold it together for other people and in public but at home she falls apart. People that don't know Kenna well think she is just an active cute girl with big brown eyes. I wish it was the opposite, that she was bad for other people and great for me so that I don't look like "one of those" moms. Okay lets face it I am "one of those" moms.

She has pushed me to do my own personal work. I have to take care of Danielle. I do more self care than ever and I still feel like I am hanging on by my fingernails. 85% of marriages with an autistic child end in divorce. Trials bring us closer and make us stronger or make us bitter. July and August were really hard. Because of the stress my hair started falling out, every day for three weeks I had migraine headaches, I woke up and literally could not get out of bed because my back was so messed up, and I can't loose my "Mckenna adoption weight" because my cortisone levels are so high.
This is sounding very whinny but it feels good to purge. I am sorry but you may be reading my journaling therapy.

I have so much to learn and have been given so many gifts. The best gifts have come in the form of people in my life.

Good news. I am in art school at CAS in Springville and I am taking private lessons from Patrick Devonas, a master of painting. Also, I am running my first half marathon on Halloween. Go me!

M18 Hellcat 1of2

2010-05-06T13:04:00.000-07:00

M18 Hellcat 1of2

Here is part one of two about M18 Hellcat tanks that my cousin posted on facebook. Part two talks about restoring the same tank my Grandpa drove as a tank commander in WW2. It was found in eastern Europe. It survived WW2 and a few more wars in eastern Europe before finding it's way to Utah to be restored. What are the chances! The same tank he drove in Battle of the Bulge.

M18 Hellcat 2of2

2010-05-06T12:46:00.000-07:00

M18 Hellcat 2of2

I am so proud of my Grandpa Verle Breinholt. Check out the link above.

AddThis - Get Your Button Code

2010-05-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

AddThis - Get Your Button Code

Running Away on Vantentines Day

2010-02-14T17:12:00.000-08:00

Today Alex decided to run away. While doing time in "time out" he concocted a plan. He packed some clothes in his pillowcase and then with Katrina's help loaded another pillowcase up with snacks. With a plan and supplies he walked 10 yards to his friend's house, Gracie, next door. The neighbors were not home to welcome him into his new home so he decided to wait it out on the porch. At this point Cynthia decided she wanted to live with Gracie too and packed her pillowcase with supplies to run away. Alex and Cynthia hung out on the neighbors porch laying on pillows and eating Valentine candy. Cynthia soon chickened out once the sun started going down and it got cooler. Katrina acts as the liaison, keeping us up to date on the situation and his needs. He came home for dinner and to use the potty. Life on the streets is hard for a five year old on Valentines day.

New Hair!

2010-01-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have last posted. At this time in my life I have very little me time. I think of things to blog about but to find time to sit down and actually do it is another thing.

It's such a fine line balancing act. To keep my health up so I can care for others. Right now I'm fighting a sinus infection and urinary tract infection. I hate to complain but CAN I HAVE MY RESURRECTED BODY ALREADY! One of my greatest challenges in this life has been the limits I have due to this immortal body. I wish I could do more, meaning all the things in my heart. I wait for the day I can paint more. God has given me this intense yearning to create. I've been working on the same oil painting for years and doing water color on the side. Art makes me feel whole. Scrape booking is like my cheap art thrill. It lets out some of that creative energy but painting is the true avenue which asks so much more. But that pure avenue also scares me because it is like opening up myself, raw to others. My art teacher has taught me to love the process which has help me overcome the fear. For a long time I couldn't paint because it was too close to my depression. But now I feel I have overcome a lot of that with angels holding my hand. Scrape booking is also for my kids while painting is more about me. Some days I feel like I give so much that there is no more to give.

This entry got more personal than I was planning. I wanted to post about Makenna. Makenna and I met Sarah, her birth mother after Christmas at McDonald's. Sarah notice the major changes in Makenna, Makenna was having a good day. I was interesting to see how Makenna interacted with her Mother of 2 years. Makenna just stared at Sarah and then occasionally the corner of her mouth would curl up. She never tried to touch her Mother and vice verse. She came to me when she needed anything. She pooped 4 times while we were there. Her therapist said it's called emotional dumping. (Hehe). Sarah came with arms full of gifts. She really wants Makenna to know that she loved her. As we were getting ready to leave, I was putting Makenna in her car seat, Sarah asked if she could hold her. I said yes. Makenna let her hold her and Sarah cried. It was hard.

A few weeks ago Sarah called and said she was frightened to say something to me. She wants Makenna back. She said that Makenna was her daughter and that she needs her daughter. She said, " I know I promised you I wouldn't do this but......". I tried not to rage. A little leaked out. I told her I would never allow Makenna to be damaged more. I pointed out the work we were doing to repair that damage done. We have around 25 appointments a month to help Makenna and our family work through the damage done. I have never shown Sarah anything but Love and Respect. Ouch. It hurts that she will step on anyone to have her needs met. I should let you know that earlier that day she told me that she wanted to leave her husband but couldn't get housing unless she had 2 children. SICK! But again she was damaged early too. But I always hope she would choose a better path.

I told her that our conversation was over and that if she wanted professional counseling to help her work through her feelings we would provide that. I love Sarah but Makenna comes first. So we have cut off contact. Sarah threatens that she is pursuing legal action because she felt pushed into the adoption, even though she came to us about the adoption, and she had postpartum depression. And to that I say bring it on. Thanks goodness we are protected by law and there is nothing she can do.

Makenna regresses and improves depending on the day. Yesterday the food gorging was much less. She has learned to say "I'm scared!" instead of "Drink!" She still get the wild animal looks in her eyes when we are in new situations or transitioning. Spencer calls it the "sky diving look." She is scared out of her mind and smiling because of the adrenaline rush. She is a surviver. When she is in a public place and freaking out I want to yell at the top of my lungs, "I didn't do this to her! She came like this!" I guess thats just my pride that doesn't want people judging me for the way she acts.

Our attachment is so much better this month. We regressed her to taking bottles while holding and rocking, providing her with a safe avenue to attach. She now gives me the gift of eye contact. Attachment is formed by age 3. So we are doing everything in our power to give her the opportunity to bond and feel safe.

I love to show off Makenna's hair line. She has been through so much tauma and maybe low nutrition that her hair was thin, really thin. But now I want to show the world her hairline because just like me after being pregnant, she is growing in new hair on her hair line. It is short but it is there. I think the reason I'm so proud of this is because it's visual proof of the work I'm doing. I can't show you a plaque on the wall for all the hours of stress, anger, and frustration that comes with working with Reactive Attachment Disorder but I can show you the hair growing on Makenna's hair line which is proof of nurtuting and growth.

I'm not looking for pats on the back I just want validation for the blood and sweat that comes with this work. This work is different than the work I did with our foster daughters because so much more healing can happen at 2 than 14. It is sad but true. Also, this work is different because after we go to the temple to be sealed, this relationship will be for time and all eternity.

I am looking forward to the day Makenna stops calling me "Daddy." I can laugh about it but it is important to me for Makenna to understand what "Mommy" means. I think that day is coming soon.

Makenna is ours

2009-11-03T14:31:00.000-08:00

We have felt much love from family and friends during the last three weeks of excitement and fear. I look back over the last few years and see the Lord's tender mercies in preparing us to adopt Makenna.

The night before court, last Thursday, we were getting ready for bed and reading scripture stories when we heard a "bang bang." We immediately look around and said, "Where's Makenna?" We ran into our bedroom to find Makenna banging on the keyboard, man is she fast. On Spencer's flat screen monitor was scribbled blue permanent marker. It was one of those moments where we froze and took ten deep breathes. For a moment we questioned our decision to adopt Makenna. But then we remembered the confirmation we have had that we ARE making the RIGHT choice. The next morning Makenna's birth Mom relinquished all rights to us. Court went well and Sarah appears to be confident in her decision and isn't looking back. Because she considers me her "Mom," she doesn't have the same concerns and issues to work through that other birth mothers do. Sarah is an angel that has given our family an amazing gift that will bless us through the eternities. We look forward to being sealed to Makenna in March.

Halloween pics

2009-11-03T13:52:00.000-08:00

Due to Friday's Trunk R Treat and Saturday's Trick or Treat we have our years supply of candy. Seriously it is ridiculous. Oh well, the kids have fun and we keep the dentist employed. Spencer and I make sure that taxes are paid to parents periodically.

Cynthia the Princess and Alex the Power Ranger

Richard (Moto Moto) the Hippo

Katrina the Black Cat is chased by Makenna the puppy.

Pictures of McKenna

2009-10-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

McKenna and Cynthia

McKenna

When Life Throws You a Curve Ball.....

2009-10-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

When life throws you a curve ball... you swing!

Last Sunday night we picked up McKeena Skye Morgan who is two years old. Her mother, who I spoke about in my last blog, was our foster daughter. Sarah (Skye) has asked us to adopt her because she has confidence in our ability to provide better for her than she can.
Monday I spent the day being freaked out by the responsibility and fears of the unknown. I'm feeling a little braver now. We haven't had much time to process everything and need support from others.

The plan is that we keep McKenna for two weeks and then if Spencer can't convince Sarah to let another family (that can't have children) adopt her, then we will proceed to start the adoption process.

McKenna came to us in bad condition. A dog recently attacked her so her face is covered in sores. Under her chin there is a laceration that is infected so she is on antibiotics. She has a staph infection on her leg and had a diaper rash. She has darling big brown eyes. We are hoping that with better nutrition her hair will come in thicker. She throws impressive tantrums and appears to attach herself onto anyone that gives her attention.

She loves our kids and wakes up happy to see us. She is 15 months older than Richard and 15 months younger than Cynthia. Alex asks if Mckenna can sit next to him and if she gets to stay with us. He said, "McKenna looks great" and later "McKenna is beautiful." Cynthia sees her more as a "Frenemy." A best friend and worst enemy. This morning Cynthia was looking at her like "Can my friend go home now?" Even though they are over a year apart McKenna and Cynthia wear the same size clothing and shoes. McKenna is about 1 1/2 inches shorter than Cynthia.

Pregnancies are very difficult for me and my heart is grumpy. I want a large family so this is a huge blessing but also a challenge. It would mean we would have five kids with the oldest being 7 years old. It has all come as a huge surprise. I know that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and has a plan, whatever it may be we will do our best.

I'm a Grandma, Again.

2009-10-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

On 9-9-09 Sarah (Skye) had her second child born and named him Jordan. Sarah was our foster daughter about 5 years ago. Which makes me a grandma. Weird. I was also there with Sarah when she delivered McKenna two years ago. Which give me a strong connection to these babies. It is always a beautiful moment to see a baby come into the world. Baby Jordan was at Primary Childrens Hospital this week with a staff infection. Hopefully this cute boy starts feeling better from here on out. I worry about this little family but there is always hope.

Picasso's Apprentice

2009-10-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

I came home from walking Katrina to school last week.

Spencer said: Richard had a pencil.
Me: Did you take it away?
Spencer: Yes, but he was coloring on the wall.
Me: What?

Okay he is 10 months old. I'm thinking it was one little line scribble. But NO, I was wrong and the proof is in the pudding (or photograph).

It just happens to be on the same wall I showed a picture of in my post My Little Picasso. A few days after the penciling graffiti, we got a confession from Picasso, concerning one very straight line around half her room in red crayon. Hmmmnnn, I'm thinking Richard had a master instructor. What do you think? I think I need to stock up on Magic Erasers.

Eeeewwww Gross!

2009-10-07T14:46:00.000-07:00

I am trying to not dry heave just thinking about it. I was playing with Alex on the computer and I looked down and saw Ricard chewing on something from the trash can, it looked like it was beef jerky. I wish it was beef jerky. It was a dried out cat hairball. DRY HEAVE!

He has been really grumpy today. I would be too if I only had a gross hairball to teeth on!
I did get this smile out of him. Notice the runny nose that comes with the teething.

Gateway Stake 5K

2009-09-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

On August 29th we walked the Gateway Stake 5K. Below is a video of Hershey or "Pursey" as Cynthia calls her, pulling the wagon. It was cute seeing our working dog pull giggling kids for about a mile. Katrina walked the whole thing. A PR or MFR (Musick Family Record) of 1 hour 6 minutes!

Where has my Baby Gone?

2009-09-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

Richard is Ten Months Old, so big.

Richard grew up over night. He's a moving machine, climbing and crawling. He plays in the dog's water dish, eats the dog food, digs in the trash cans, eats solids like a pro, says "dada" and "mama", claps his hands, waves "bye bye", drinks from a sippy cup and climbs anything within reach. On completion of climbing up the stairs he sits at the top of the stairs smiling down at the stairs as if he just climbed Mt Everest.

The other night Alex (5 years old) was on the floor, lying on his back and brushing his teeth. Cynthia announced to me that Richard (10 months old) had "doggy slammed" Alex. I looked over an sure enough, growling Richard had climbed on top of Alex and "doggy piled" him. He was stretching his arm to reach Alex's out-stretched arm clinging onto his tooth brush. I pulled Richard off his older brother and gave him a toothbrush of his own. Richard was happily pacified, chewing on his own toothbrush.

We then continued on with our nightly routine of passing out the fluoride tablets. As I was passing them out Richard looked at me with a disgruntled face and grunted at me twice. We laughed because he doesn't get fluoride yet, but he definitely want to be a part of the group.

It is sad to see him grow up so fast but he still gives excellent hugs and snuggles. Just watch out because he BITES! The days are long but times goes by fast.

My Birfday!

2009-09-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

On September 15 I turned 32 years old, which I am very comfortable with at this time in my life. Each year brings new challenges and blessings. My birthday wish is to have better health in the year to come. I started the week after my birthday with a sinus infection that left me feeling really drained. This morning I woke up to an invisible elephant sitting on my chest (don't know what that was all about).

I haven't been able to hit the gym in a few weeks. I can't wait to get back to lifting some serious poundage and hopefully hit some classes. I have under 10% body fat to loose and one to two pant sizes to be back at kick butt fitness queen. Not sure why I'm sharing that most interesting insight. I guess it does help me to stay responsible and reach goals when I share.

On my birthday Spencer surprised me with a mp3 player and Grandma Thomsen's birthday check bought a nice fossil watch, but seven year old Katrina's present was seriously awesome.
It came in a small Christmas gift bag with a ribbon and gift paper. In the bag was a quarter, a dime, a nickle, a penny (from her piggy bank), cut out hearts colored with crayon and a letter/ picture. On the letter she wrote a song for me as follows:

"I Will Remember"
tune:Happy Birthday

I'll remember my Grandma
I'll remember Grandpa
I'll remember Hershey
I'll remember Alex and Cynthia, Richard
I'll remember Daddy
beut I'll remember You the most

What an amazing kid she is! Must take after he Mother. hehe

Spencer suggested that as a Ute Alumni we should paint the town RED on my birthday by going to RED Lobster to eat and then have RED Mango (my favorite frozen yogurt) and then pick up a movie at RED Box. But we only had a babysitter for two hours so we went to Paradise Bakery for dinner and then Red Mango. I milk my birthday for everything I can get so later in the week we went to the Thai House with Glenn and Sherry. Spencer doesn't like Thai so I only get to go on my birthday or when he isn't around.

Alex and Big 5

2009-08-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

Pool party! We had ice cream and cake at the pool with family and friends.

Cool gifts.

Five years old is significant because it is the beginning of school, Kindergarten. Alexander has grown in leaps and bounds this last year. He started riding a three wheel scooter and now cruises around on his Tonka bicycle like a pro with the help of training wheels. Alex made the deadline for school by only thirteen days. He is developmentally delayed in hand strength which makes writing hard. We have been actively participating in early intervention programs and speech therapy since he was two. We were told that he had apraxia which is a very difficult speech problem that is difficult to overcome. We were relieved to find out that he does not have apraxia but phonological replacement difficulties.
Alex met his most wonderful and loving teacher Melanie McPherson last week, who fell in love with Alexander's quirky little sense of humor and personality. We are thrilled to have him in her small classroom of 9 kids (7 boys and 2 girls) with 2 aids in the special education program at Snow Springs Elementary.
For his birthday Alex wanted a squirt gun and Lightning McQueen. So he got a monster big squirt gun and a birthday card from Grandma Marilyn that plays rock music when opened. He was thrilled. And when he got school clothes from Grandma Sherry he immediately laid them out on the floor in arranged outfits.

My Magic Room

2009-08-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

This is where the majic of creativity happens. I love art, be it painting, sculping, scrapbooking, or sewing (which I'm not that skilled at). In general I love to learn and create. I feel very spoiled and blessed today. For an early birthday present I got an expedit with desk at ikea on sale. Then this week Spencer hooked me up with a nice PC and flat screen. He is so sweet to think of me and my scrapbooking needs. Best of all he got it from a co-worker for a total of....Drum role please.....100 bucks! I'm hoping to get some cute canvas buckets for the shelving to make the room feel more uniform. I'll post pictures when that happens just because I'm so excited.

The craft room, my happy space.

I picked out a soothing golden color to paint the basement. Spencer and I busted our backs and painted almost the whole basement in the gold color. I then broke down exhausted crying...."I hate it, I hate it." The gold was more mustard, it looked horrible in the basement. Let me point out that Spencer was so patient with me and my terrible puke mustard color choice. So we went back to the paint store, we copied Paul's (my brother) exact paint color in his house, so as to not make the same mistake again. And the puke mustard turned out to be a great "base coat" for Paul's nicer color, as you can see in the picture.

Under the stair was turned into a play house. As a family we went to Lowes to browse the paint chips and all the kids got to pick out a paint color. We then painted the stripes in the play house with the colors they picked out and a few I threw into the mix. It was fun for the kids to feel a part of the basement project.
Cynthia-Pink
Katrina-Red
Alex-Blue(of course)

On the opposite wall of the stripes I'm thinking about painting a mural. Any ideas?

Christmas in August- La Jolla Beach, San Diego

2009-08-18T14:11:00.001-07:00

Last Christmas we decided to give each other the gift of time. Time together. So my Dad hosted the whole freaking big family with a hundred kids at "The Cove Hotel at La Jolla," San Diego. Your the best Dad!

The whole trip I was like 1,2,3,4........1...2..3,4.....1,2,3,4. I was so scared of loosing a kid. Needless to say we were not at the beach for more than 15 minutes before we lost one. Cynthia, three years old, was missing. I was panicked sick, searching through 100,000 bodies trying to find one little girl next to the all engulfing raging ocean waves. I could see it happening "LIFEGUARD/SWIM COACH'S DAUGHTER DROWNS!"....nice. Luckiliy we found her at the Life guard tower where a nice couple had taken the lost little girl.

My brother Chris brought full sized shovels all the way from Utah to make sand castles on the beach. SWEETNESS!

The chunky Monkeys, Richard and David enjoyed the sand. David's thighs got stuck in the blue chair he is sitting in in the picture. Did I just hear some thunder?! Thunder thighs!

Me and my Madre

Shortly after arriving we saw a "pod" of dolphins just a arms toss from our hotel.

On one of the nights there was a Classical concert in the park in front of our hotel. So we played games in our rooms and heard some sweetness to the ears from the balcony.

Thanks Fam for making it real and fun, real fun! We love you.

Sea World Ritual

2009-08-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

August 12, 2009
Many old and young alike take the pilgrimage to Sea world which is a Pagan site for worshiper to pay om age to the image of the deceased Shamu God (not to be confused with the Shampoo God).

Worshipers participate in a drum ritual by holding the right hand in the air above their head and then the left. The hands are then brought together raised above the head into the shape of a killer whale tail. The hands are then lifted up and down to the rhythmn of the drums chanting "Shamu, Shamu!"
"Andrew, Andrew!"

Lego Land California

2009-08-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

August 8, 2009

Spencer, Cynthia, Alex, Katrina and Richard

Lots of stuff is made out of Legos in Lego Land, even the people. Posing with Lego People.

Richard teething on Legos

Big Legos

Temple Weed

2009-08-18T11:51:00.000-07:00

I am glad we had this picture of Katrina with a pamplet so I could figure out how to spell Oquirrh!
We hit the closing day of the Oquirrh Mountain Utah Temple open house on July 30, 2009.
I enjoyed the Draper temple open house program more than the Oquirhh Mountain open house, perhaps that is because it was less crowded, but they are equally beautiful. I loved the apolstered chairs in waiting room of the Oquirrh Mountain temple. South Jordan is the only city with two LDS temples.

After the open house we went to Daybreak to visit some friends (Brian and Rebecca) in their new house. When we were leaving a storm hit quickly, there were tumbleweeds blowing down the street. We were getting into the car when four year old Alex leaned over, picked up a tumble weed and said in a deep voice, "Mom, can we take this Temple weed home?"
I thought it was cute.

Alexander at the Oquirrh Temple Openhouse

NO ENTERY!

2009-07-22T11:34:00.000-07:00

I was driving home a few weeks ago from the Urgent Care with Strep and chest pains from my Pericarditis/ Pericardial effusion. I saw this wordage on a road block by our house and it cheered me up. Spencer and I like to debate over how the author of this sign came to decide on their use of words.

Hershey Kisses

2009-07-22T10:57:00.000-07:00

We have a new family member! Alex needed a dog. We adopted Hershey the Chocolate lab from the Lindon Animial Shelter on July 9, 2009. She was a stray brought to the shelter 7 days prior to our adoption. She is 5-7 years old, has had at least one litter and weighs in at 65 pounds. We spayed her last week. She is good on a leash and knows a few commands. She is really mellow, especially for a lab. At the shelter we walked down the row of kennels and all the dog were freaking out, barking and jumping. Then we walked up to Hershey, she was sitting there wagging her very large tail (thud thud thud) and looking at the kids. I was enchanted by her big kind brown eyes. I wasn't planning on getting a big dog but I fell in love at first sight.

The kids ride her and crank her tail like a wind up toy and she just responds with a big wet lick. I can tell she is happy to have a family. She looks to me as the pack leader. We are working with her on some separation anxiety, when left alone she barks. Last night I put our Persian cat Luka in the kennel with Hershey. Hershey was pleased as punch to have a roommate. On the other hand Luka was probably saying some thing like this, @#&%$!! **@!>????.
We have had a few dog parties with Chris's German short hairs Lady and Tramp, Paul's Yorkie dog Winston (and expectant wife Bentley), my parents Australian Shepard dog Lacey, and our neighbors 85 pound German Shepard Zephr.

Best of all we now have a floor cleaner. Yeah for Hershey Kisses!

Race to Moab (not the marathon)

2009-06-25T15:36:00.000-07:00

We took a two day/one night adventure to red rock Moab. We ditched three kids at my parents' house and took the milk loving Momma's boy with us to help us stay responsible. Richard complained about the wind in Arches National Park and his potential bottom gleeming white teeth, this limited our hiking time but we still enjoyed the views. The overcast weather kept the temperature cooler which was nice. Some of my pictures turned out good, I thought.

Thanksgiving for Thanksgiving Point

2009-06-25T15:17:00.001-07:00

We have really enjoyed our membership to Thanksgiving Point which is really close to our house. The gardens are amazing and the farm animals are entertaining. On bad weather days we resort to the world's largest Dinosaur Museum. In the Ice Cream Shop/Deli they have 25 cent ice cream cones. Sweeeeet!

Water Lilies at The Childrens' Discovery Garden
On this day we saw a huge toad

Water Lilies at the Childrens'Discovery Garden
The pond has large Coy fish that love to be fed

Childrens' Discovery Garden
Katrina Musick, Alexander Musick
Jane Alexander, Gracie Alexander, Cynthia Musick

Number Three Turned Three

2009-06-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

Our third baby turned three years old this month. We celebrated with a pool party at the clubhouse. Thanks for coming family and friends. My mom made a three year old girls dream come true by building a princess castle cake and Grandma Sherry gave her all the assesories a princess could want.

I Need Tention

2009-05-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

Katrina was feeling as little jealous that Cynthia had a special sleepover with Grandma Musick. It took me a few negative encounters with Katrina, who is usually very pleasant, to recognize her emotional needs. When Katrina was younger we taught her to say, I need some attention. It came out, "I need tention."

She asked me to cuddle with her at bed time which can be interpreted as "I need tention." So while I layed in the cramped bed we had the following conversation:

Me: You are pretty, inside and outside.
Katrina: And I'm funny.
Me: (laughing) Yes you are funny.
Katrina: I learned that from Daddy
Me: Oh really
Katrina: Yeah, I learned healthiness from you. And you taught me swimming. Do you remember that? Daddy taught me funniness and a little Spanish.

Now we know who the funny ones in the family are. LOL

I recognize the negative finger prints I leave on my kids from anxious parenting (anxious parenting is not pretty) and now I know from Katrina's point of view the things Katrina has learned from me.
It made me think, What did I learn from my parents? A lot! I learned from my Dad to love classical music, flowers, Denmark and chocolate. From my Mom I learned to love learning, books and art or creating.

Race for the Cure

2009-05-12T12:00:00.001-07:00

Komen Salt Lake City Race for the Cure
A Sea of people coming together for one cause.
Me, Liz, Amber, Whitney, Aunt Joan, Marilyn (my Mom), Taryn
Richard's feet, Katrina, Tiffanie, Christian, Gracie

Liz and Katrina

A lot of you know that breast cancer is a big deal in our family. We have a family of brave Survivors:
My Mom
Aunt Dorothy
Aunt Joan
Grandma Breinholt

The survivors wear pink shirts that identify them. Others had signs on their back identifying the people they have lost or support in their fight against breast cancer. It was ominous to see who was going through or had gone through chemotherapy, portrayed by the length of their hair. Speaking of hair, Liz woke up to a bad hair day. Even the radio announcer spotted her in the crowd, pointing her out for all to see.

There were a lot of fun T-shirt with the following on them:

Of coarse they're fake. The real ones tried to kill me.
Save the Tatas
Computer Geeks against cancer (.)(.) Breast cancer does not compute (written in code).(Reb's family)
Save second base
I heart boobs

Cows Gone Wild

2009-05-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

Last week we had a surprise in our back yard. There were about 10 cows chowing down on the lush green grass in the park behind our house. Katrina ran up to one of the cows excited to interact with it, just like the cows at the petting farm. The cow lifted its head and gave her a look that could have killed flies, like "don't even think about it." I'm yelling at her from the back porch like a crazy Mom. And she is standing there having a staring contest with this Mama cow. Katrina finally backed down from the staring contest and came back to safety.
The next morning they were still there in the park and on the Jordan River trail. I was scared somebody was going to get kicked. In Lehi, the police are animal control. A few hours after I called the police, the cows were gone. I don't know how they did it, but they did. Way to go Lehi Police!

Cats watching the cows.

Nakedness

2009-04-28T20:59:00.001-07:00

Richard 5 1/2 Months old (Poor chunky baby has a puke rash around his neck)

Gotta just love the baby nakedness. Not everybody can look that cute bald and naked.

The Grass is Greener

2009-04-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

Our neighbors across the street just put in their landscaping last month. Their new grass is like super luscious green. Anyways....on the way to the community mailbox I noticed that the sod pallets on the side of the road belonged to a certain company.

I knew Coca-Cola had their fingers in a lot of pies, but sod farming?

Healing Heart

2009-04-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

I anticipated bad news when I had another Echo cardiogram done last week because my symptoms have gotten worse. But I am please to announce that I am a pessimist and that my heart valve is leaking less and the heart chamber is less stretched. Hooha! (I just learned that word. It is a Army term for something positive).

Against Doctors orders, I stopped taking the heart meds and I also stopped taking my birth control pills because I've got to get ride of the dizziness. I don't know if the dizziness is from my blood pressure dropping too low or the hormones that in the past have given me migranes, something is messing me up so I stopped taking both.

When my eye went blind while taking a class at the gym I became discouraged and stopped working out for a couple weeks which increases my anxiety, depression and arrhythmia. But now I'm back on the horse and hired a personal trainer once a week to help me out. I want to bench sets of 100 pounds again and get under 20% body fat again. There were days that I wondered if I would ever be able to run far or work hard. But now I feel like I can slowly get there. "If it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger."

Economy Boost

2009-04-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

This is where we normally have our "Art Gallery." The fridge could only hold so many finger paintings, crafts, report cards, and stories about Rootbeer Raindeer. So we created the "Art Gallery" going down to the basement. The Art Gallery is closed for construction.

Yes, Katrina is sitting on a toilet. Thanks for the hand-me-downs Chris and Taryn.

We decided to use our tax refund and bonus on finishing the basement to do our part in stimulating the economy. It has been interesting to see the difference between finishing the basement in Springville 6 years ago and finishing the basement now. For example, six years ago some contractors didn't return our phone calls and nowadays (Is nowadays a word?) they are calling us every couple days to see if we like their bid. Contractors are now dropping their contracting fee just to drum up work. We are happy with the price and contractor and we will be painting next week. We are excited to have more growing space. I am excited to have a scrapbook room again. Go Economy! You can do it!

Giv'em the Bird

2009-04-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday we were about to go on a walk as a family. The kids were excited to take their scooters for a ride. I was trying to get the baby ready when I heard a "I'm REALLY hurt" cry from Alex. I walked outside and found Alex at the bottom of the driveway tangled under his three wheel Spider man scooter. I slowly walked over to comfort him. He showed me his hand. His middle finger was purple and the bone was protruding out under the skin at the joint. I buckled him in the car, put a cold pack on his finger and told Spencer that Alex dislocated his finger so I was taking him to urgent care.

On the drive over he stopped crying. When you get Alex alone, he gets really chatty. He told me to call grandma and tell her that she should not buy Spider man scooters for boys for Christmas because they can hurt boys. I explained that scooters are fine for boys to get for Christmas and that accident just happen sometimes.

We walked into the urgent care and Alex was in such high spirits that I checked his finger again. The bone was not protruding anymore but the finger was still in the shape of a "Z." Alex made friends with another little boy in the waiting room, discussing the fish in the aquarium. Then we went back for X-rays. Sometimes when bones dislocate a small piece can chip off. The nice nurse asked Alex to show her which finger hurt. He promptly GAVE HER THE BIRD. I was laughing. He is still talking about the sucker the nurse gave him. He loved the one-on-one time we had and thinks we should see the Doctor more often.

Somewhere between making a new friend at the fish tank in the waiting room and going back for X-rays, the finger popped back into place. So the X-rays showed a perfect little left hand.

Happy Easter Birthday!

2009-04-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

Katrina likes to ask us, "how much longer til Easter?" Because her birthday is very close to Easter. On April 9, 2009 she turned 7 but wishes she was 8 because then she will be baptized you see. For her birthday we bought her a bike. She chose training wheels and a bike over a bike with a purse. She is a nervous rider. I think we need outside help. If you are interested in helping, give us a call. For her birthday Grandma Sherry bought her a Barbie scooter. Katrina asked, "Would you be sad if I didn't ride my bike?" I sternly said, "Yes. All kids should learn to ride a bike, even if they have a scooter."
For her birthday we had cake and games which included an Easter egg Pinata and Pin the Tail on the Donkey at my parents house with the cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Good times.

I remember when I was a kid, a whole year felt like an eternity. My Mom said that one day I went to her almost in tears. I explained that I was upset because Chris had had 2 birthdays and I only had one that year. Heheh, I guess I wasn't thinking about how things work chronologically, I just knew that he had two birthdays and I had only had one. The idea that a birthday had been forgotten would be crushing for a child. I believe in the importance of celebrations and traditions. Besides, when you are one of six kids in a family anything that sets you apart from the pack, like a birthday, is very important.

We try to emphasize the true meaning of Easter with our children. The week before Easter Sunday we talk about the Savior and His mission. Traditionally we make "Empty Tomb Rolls." You take a marshmallow (Christ's body), roll it in melted butter and Cinnamon sugar (oils and spices anointing Christ to be buried)and then cover the marshmallow in bread dough (tomb). After baking the rolls they are empty, like the tomb. "He is not here, He is risen." Often we only have peeps on hand, no marshmallows, so the body of Christ is in the shape of a yellow bunny. That could be confusing for a child. Sometimes, in an effort to teach my kids, I just confuse them more.

Katrina was amazed that the Easter Bunny knew exactly what each kid likes to do/have and we had just discussed it the night before Easter. What an amazing fuzzy little rodent!

Cynthia Smiles

2009-03-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

I love it when Cynthia dresses herself. In this video she is sporting a onsie (on backwards) over a black tee-shirt and purple pants. She loves having her finger nails painted. She picked orange polish to go with the black, purple, and pink outfit. And to top off the outfit she has a sticker in the middle of her forehead.

Achy Breaky Heart

2009-03-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

I was on a heart monitor for a while. I wore electrode wires that were connected to a bluetooth that sent info to a cell phone. The monitor company would call when they got a reading that was abnormal.
They called at like 4:45 AM "Are you having symptoms?"
Well let me see.....FATIGUE! It's 4:45 AM, I was asleep before you called!

Yesterday, I had a treadmill test at the Cardiologists. I am having arrhythmia problems or irregular heartbeats. The leaky heart valve gets backed up and puts pressure on the chamber of the heart. That effects the nerves (wiring) which creates aarhythmia problems. And as the Cranberry Farms Ward Choir Director I want you to know that a Arrhythmia problem and A rythmn problem are different, LOL. Even though I have both. LOL.

So my heart is randomly racing like crazy. So I am on a beta-blocker heart medication called propranolol. It slows the heart down. So lets cross our fingers that it takes away the dizziness, fatigue, chest pains (aorta spasms), water retention and migranes.

I went blind in one of my eyes last week when I tried to go to a class at the gym and gained 10 pounds in 36 hours. That makes me really angry. I have low blood pressure so we are watching my blood pressure to make sure it doesn't drop it too low. Because I'm nursing the medication may effect the baby in that he may not grow as quickly. Breastfeeding has a lot of advantages so I'm going to keep it up.

I'm hopeful.

Draper Temple Open House

2009-03-11T18:29:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, March 9, 2009, we went to the Draper Temple open house, which was so cool.

Before going we stopped by IKEA, this was my first time, for a quick lunch. I definitely need to check that place out in more detail some day. I hadn't realized that it was Swedish. The food was good/healthy and cheap. During lunch Cynthia announced with a grunt "I pooping." Cynthia is potty training. I jumped up "Oh no, no poop!" This made me sweat bullets the whole trip, thinking .......please no poop in the panties. Disaster averted and we had no poop in the panties and no poop in the potty either. Waiting for the poop, that never made a formal appearance, made us late for the appointed temple open house time.

We then went to a church parking lot (the kids were confused and didn't think the church-house looked at all like a temple). We watched a short film which was interrupted by a few potty breaks. We then proceeded to the buses. We made the mistake of bringing a full size stroller and the baby's car seat/carrier with us. I think I hit a few people in the knee on my long walk to the back of the bus.

The kids were really excited to ride on the bus. I was wearing my high heeled dress boots and a long skirt. Again, I was sweating bullets trying to carry the hugeanormous stroller and herd the children to the exit. Trying to be as lady like as possible,(barely missing the bus drivers head), I made it down the narrow steps of the bus and onto the sidewalk. I felt a rush of false security to reach the ground. I immediately stepped into a hole next to the sidewalk. I stumbled....recovered.....and giggled nervously, as the polite temple workers asked if I was okay. I then awkwardly tried to get the dang stroller open (emphasis on the awkwardly and dang).

By the time we were parading down the long hallway of tents, the group had left us in the dust. Spencer turned around with a smile on his face and said that he was more excited for the kids to see the temple than anything else.

The tour was a "silent tour." So when Richard (4 months old) decided that the hour since his last feeding was up and wanted to eat again, everyone in the temple knew it. When we got to the "big bath tub" I was once again sweating bullets. Watching the children carefully, anticipating a splash....crisis averted. Later the kids fessed up and told me they wanted to go swimming in the "big bathtub."

We got special elevator privileges because of our hugeanormous stroller, which was fun.
We walked into the Celestial room and the baby stopped crying. Katrina (6 years old) was staring up at the huge vaulted ceiling accented with stained glass windows and a gorgeous crystal chandelier that was sparkling in rainbow colored light. Katrina then whispered in my ear, "When I look at that, it makes me think the Holy Ghost is here." Aawwww, how sweet. Alexander (4 years old) told me later, "I saw beautiful things."

We went into a sealing room and the doors were shut. A couple talked about the blessing of the Priesthood Power to seal together families in this life and those in the next. I had tears streaming down my face as I looked at my little family, wiggles and all, knowing that we would be a family forever. It was a special moment. I am so grateful for temples.

As we were leaving the sealing room, Spencer and I failed to notice that Cynthia (2 years old) had left the pathway and was climbing onto the alter in middle of the sealing room. The man that had just spoken was kindly redirecting her. She joined us on the beaten path as we tried not to laugh.

Afterwards there were cookies and water at the church house next to the temple. Which we were grateful for since the kids were again "starving." We took pictures there in the cultural hall. While heading out to the buses we realized that we were in the middle of a blizzard. Didn't see that one coming.

Overall it was a special day to be remembered.

Free Workout Mixes

2009-03-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

Me at the Jordanelle Triathlon 2007

In the April addition of FITNESS Magazine there is an article on motiontraxx.com.

Click on Fitness Magazine

The free workout mixes changes every two weeks (ideal for running) and it's totally legit.

Our New Pet...I wish

2009-03-03T12:25:00.000-08:00

This is the new pet I want..... Fish With Transparent Head Filmed

His name would be Flaffle. I would love him and keep him for my very own.

Fish With Transparent Head Filmed
For the first time, a large Pacific barreleye fish - complete with transparent head - has been caught on film by scientists using remotely operated vehicles at the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute.

Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer are performing!

2009-02-25T10:59:00.001-08:00

This Friday Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer are performing in Orem Utah. Sweeeeeetness. I'll have to cut up one of my shirts and wear it off the shoulder and then wear my hair in a "Claw."

In H.S. Paul borrowed my Ice Ice Baby CD and someone stole it from him. It was a sad day.

MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice in concert at the McKay Events Center.
UVU - Orem, Utah.
80'S Dance Party. Featuring Live Performances from:
MC HAMMER with 24 person choir and dancers (performing
old school classics: Too Legit To Quit, Pray, Hammer Time,
Tell Me Have You Seen Her, etc).
VANILLA ICE with Crew (Performing old school classics
Ice Ice Baby, Ninja Rap, Funky Music, I Love Her, etc.)
Love You Long Time.
DJ Matt Hoffman and DJ Marcus Wing.
Dress 80's and bring your Hammer Pants because this event
will Re-Make History.

Who wants to come see the Legends????? Vanilla Ice is seriously cute.

Belly Buttons

2009-02-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

Alex asked me if I had a belly button the other day.

I said I did and showed him.

He said I had a deep belly button (this didn't bother me because even when I was body building at %19 body fat I still had a deep "inie." As a kid my brother's called it the black hole or something like that.)

But then he said innocently "Do you have a baby in your tummy?"

Uhmmm ouch! LOL Cute little innocent kids.

Update on My War with Nemesis

2009-02-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

A week ago (Sunday) I took Richard into the E.R. at 1:30 in the morning because he was having labored breathing. His snot test came back positive with not only R.S.V but also Influenza. So we take him in one to two times a day to have respiratory suctioning. The respiratory therapist said that 2 years ago they would have admitted him but they realized how hard it is on babies to be away from family and for parents to be away from their other children. So instead of admitting the babies, they have the babies brought in for suctioning. Now until March is really bad for RSV so be careful if you have small children. Lock your doors and seal your windows, LOL.

In the middle of the week we took Alex and Cynthia in to the pediatrician, they also have R.S.V. Cynthia is on antibiotic for an ear infection, poor kid.

Katrina has been having fevers over 105 degrees. When we told her she couldn't go to school, on Friday, she flipped out. I thought she was going to hitch-hike her way to school. I told her that some kids pretend to be sick to miss school. She just couldn't understand that. Missing school is her personal nightmare.

Soon I will be sporting a portable EKG monitor, for a few weeks. I saw the cardiologist on Friday, the fatigue and chest pains are unbearable. The pain is probably caused by inflammation. The monitor will tell us what is going on during the heart palpitations. Part of me doesn't want to tell the doctors stuff because it just ends in more tests. I would almost rather be ignorant or blame it on anxiety. The backed up blood could be stretching the heart chamber and messing with nerves which results in arrhythmia. Next month I will also go in for a stress test and I'm due for another echo cardiogram. Wish me luck. One good thing is that I don't have anymore breathing problems.

In general, I eat healthy and exercise so it makes me mad when I have health issues. I was a health teacher for heaven's sake, why do I get the privilege of having issues? I'm sure thing are going to be fine and work out on their own, it's just really annoying. I look forward to the day of possibly being immortal. I'm sorry if this sounds like a pity party. I'm venting.

If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger, right? I really have been greatly blessed in my life with an wonderful husband and family. I am grateful that we don't struggle financially, especially during these hard economic times. Most of all I'm grateful for a Savior that gives me hope daily. Hope in myself and my potential to be better individual through the atonement.

My Little Picasso

2009-02-16T16:06:00.000-08:00

Even though I told my little Picasso it was "naughty" to color blue crayon on the wall, I know that down the road I will look back and say "Thank you for your childhood." So it's been over a week since the naughtiness and I can't bring myself to wipe it off because it makes me smile.

My Nemesis..AKA Virus

2009-02-16T14:20:00.000-08:00

Why do kids get sick so often? Well let me see....it could be Cynthia sucking on the chairs at the Thanksgiving Point Dinosaur Museum Cafe (Which reminds me of the mess we left in the bathroom there last week. Two over full pants filled with poop and no,... not in diapers. I guess the kids were having too much fun in the sand box, digging for bones, to stop for a potty break.). Or maybe the sicknesses are from Alexander finding ABC gum on the floor and eating it. It could also be Cynthia feeling the need to touch the potty in public restrooms. And the kids just have to love-on the baby, which seems to more than not, end with a sneeze or cough in the baby's face. Any of these things could be responsible for my nemesis...AKA viruses.

I just pray this bout of immune system development doesn't conclude with baby Richard in the hospital with R.S.V. He wouldn't eat this morning because he is so sick but seems to be doing better this afternoon. At the Doctor's office yesterday they had a hard time getting an oxegen reading because his foot is so fat. At 3 months old he weighs in at 16 lbs 8 oz. Round N' Chunky.

We have pink eye for the THIRD TIME THIS WINTER. In the last few months we have had two ear infections, broncitis, mulluscum (nasty little bumps that are like warts that procreate at an incredible rate), ring worm, eczema, colds, flus, frequant bloody noses, and now RSV. And there is probably more but I can't think with my sleep deprived brain.
The snot flows freely at our house and so does the Lysol. I could lock them up for years in the house without seeing the light of day, but I think that is against the law in most states. Which reminds me.... a very nice CPS worker showed up a few weeks ago on my door step because at school they noticed marks on Alezander's skin (I guess the egzema and mulluscum scabs from dermatologist appointments looked like pinch marks....go figure). Or like Paul said maybe his teacher watches too much C.S.I. Anyways, it is hard to keep up with the rabid infestation of germs, bacteria, and viruses.

The kids are all sick, except Katrina who has Spencer's SUPER AWESOME immune system, of which I am jealous.
At least I can count my lucky stars by saying that we have never had lice... or chicken pox and wooping cough(like Chris and Taryn's family).....KNOCK ON WOOD.

Moto Moto

2009-02-10T11:50:00.000-08:00

When I look at baby Richard I think of the new Madagascar Escape 2 Africa character Moto Moto.

Go to the website (skip intro) and then go to characters, pick Moto Moto. It's hularious.

http://www.madagascar-themovie.com/teaser.html

He is a Hipo that has a unibrow. His deep voice reminds me of baby Richard. As in "You HUGE" and "I like em chunky."

Richard is so cute, the little fatty fatty. His weight is in the 95th percentile. He loves the milk. Why aren't adults cute when their plumpy-chunky? Got MILK? If you do your Richard's favorite person.

Spencer's Birthday

2009-02-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

I'm Glad I'm not as old as Spencer!

February 8, 2009 33 years and counting
Happy Birthday Lover!

Sylar was here!

2009-02-10T11:14:00.001-08:00

SYLAR WAS HERE!

If you watch Heros like my husband does, you know who Sylar is. He is the bad guy...I think... Personally I prefer The Office and The Biggest Loser. Lately my favorite is...I hate to admit it because Spencer says it makes me an official GEEK....The New Battlestar Galactica. We started watching TV when I got pregnant. I get REALLY embarrassed when I cry during one of the shows...MUST BE THE HORMONES. When I was pregnant I cried when I was watching Jumungi. I know...embarrassing right?

Is Santa Real?

2009-01-07T09:34:00.001-08:00

When Katrina asks if Santa is real we tell her that he is real in the imagination of children. She just blows us off and keeps believing. Then we countinue enjoying the magic of Santa for children. When she was younger it freaked Katrina out that some man dressed up in red came into your house in the middle of the night. I love the questions she asks like, "Did you leave the door unlocked on Christmas Eve? No? But we don't have a chimney. Oh, I know...Santa has a special key that works in every door." On Christmas morning she got a Yoga for kids DVD from Santa. Her reaction was really cute. It is a little hard to hear in the video. She said, "Yoga kids. Thank you Santa where ever you are!"

Richard's Blessing Day

2008-12-19T13:39:00.001-08:00

December 6, 2008

We blessed cute baby Richard. For family blessings my mother makes blessing gowns/outfits and they are amazing. She has a great gift. I gave my mom a list of things I wanted on the blessing outfit. Richards blessing outfit looked like a little horse jocky. The blue booties he is wearing in the pictures are the same booties my father was blessed in. It was orignal and cute.
Afterwards we had ham and scalloped potatoes. Then we had a jam sesson of Guitar Hero. My mom got really into it. She was the band groupy. My Dad slept on the couch during the whole thing. I don't know how he could sleep with all that noise, he must have been REALLY tired. It was really fun. I love having so many great brothers and sisters and their spouses. The grandkids had fun in our dungeon of a basement. They don't care that it isn't finished and cold. They were just happy to be together.

The grass is always greener

2008-12-09T22:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish I was a cat. I envy their daily 20 hours of sleep. Their simple way of life- eat- sleep- eat- sleep- run around crazy like then -eat -sleep -eat - sleep. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. Then other days I think "how can you stand such a boring life?!"

We have 2 Persian cats. This is a picture of Luka, who is half the size of her son Charlie but has twice the you know whats. Actually Charlie is neutered and has no you know whats. When Luka was a kitten she had a skin mite problem. She lost her fur and was refered to as the "ugly one." We decided she needed a name so named her "Luke" because she looked liked she had leukemia. But then to our dismay we discovered that she was a "she" and not a "he." So we renamed her Luka. When I see pictures of her like the ones above, where she is fluffy and lazy, I just have to squeeze her. These are my babies that I had before my babies.

Black Friday Plague!

2008-11-29T21:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving. Okay, so I'm a little bit "feast or famine" when it comes to blogging and checking my e-mail. You'll get over it I'm sure. I just have to share.

Wow. I got to get this off my back. I read today in the newspaper about an employee for Walmart that got trampled and KILLED when he was opening up the store for black friday. This happened in New York by Manhatten. Warning to Regan/Jacob Breinholt :). A few other people got trampled, including a pregnant woman, 8 months along. So get this....when the people were asked to leave the store because of the death.....they yelled that they had been waiting since thursday morning to shop and wouldn't leave.

How sad is that? How do we get so consumed by being consumers that we become inhumane? Like, what were they thinking? Just step over the dead man...I gotta get a DVD player for cheap. I personally have only once done black friday shopping. I felt that crazy frenzied feeling that comes. It is totally irrational. But the anxiety is there. You feel this shallow urgent need to find the item your looking for and the feeling that your missing out on some great deal.

But there really are no NEEDS, only WANTS, when it comes to Black Friday shopping. It's not like we are hunting for food and shelter. I get it...those cave man instincts kick in and the adrenaline is pumping. But still.... seriously, wouldn't you help someone up if they fell down? Even during crazy concerts that I've been to, people help people get up if they fall down. How ironic that a time of "Thanksgiving" has become a time of Getting and Consuming.

I would rather sleep-in instead of saving $10 on a DVD that I'll watch 2 times or at least shop online for the same deal. I don't like that materialist shallow anxiety feeling that Black Friday induces. It's like the Black Friday flu epidemic that effects a nation. The Black Friday plague. I'm thinking we may need to immunize for the next plague of 2009 to prevent further deaths. Maybe I'll start a foundation. SAVE THE TRAMPLED PEOPLE! IMMUNIZE BY 2009 AMERICA!

Court Finalization

2008-11-29T20:51:00.000-08:00

We got a letter from the prosecutor a few days after court. Sherry's foster daughters were flaky with their testimonies. And I'm sure their attitude, I hate judges and court, didn't help. So they gave the kid, that scratched up both our cars and didn't show up for court, the benefit of the doubt. We lost.

I Am Perfect For Boys

2008-11-29T20:25:00.001-08:00

2 Days Before Baby Richards Birthday

Dialogue

Me: Katrina lets hurry and get your home work done so that we can get to your play date. It's with a 2nd grader.

Katrina: Oh.... is it a boy or a girl.

Me: A boy.

Katrina: Oh good.....I am perfect for boys.

Wow, no self esteem issues there.

Me: Oh really.

Katrina: Except Ismael...."Si."

(Ishmael is the boy that lives a couple houses down-we call him her Latin lover-she gets frustrated because they only speak Spanish at his house-which explains the exasperated "si")

Scooters Don't Belong on Cars

2008-11-19T12:39:00.001-08:00

At a halloween party a year ago some kids decided it would be hopping killer to ride their razer scooters on some cars in the parking lot. Well, both of our cars became stunt props along with half a dozen other cars. Needless to say both of our cars have had scratched-up hoods and roofs for a year. I noticed the scratches when I came out of the party. I asked around about it and was directed to three boys. Spencer and his Dad pursued them by car, it was very exciting, when they fled the crime scene. They detained them until the police came.

One of the boys was crying his eyes out. I felt bad for him. In Spanish he said his Dad was going to kill him and that he didn't want to get deported because his Mom was a police officer and it wasn't safe in the country they came from. Another boy's father had recently died. I wonder if he saw the families together at this party and became angry thus taking it out on the cars in the church parking lot. I felt bad for them, sometimes kids just don't think. But we had over $1600 of damage to our cars. One kid got charged (maybe the other kids got deported, who knows?) but get this....the KID PLED INNOCENT. There goes all my empathy out the window.

So yesterday, the justice system is a little slow, Spencer was court ordered, as a witness, to attend the hearing for the one kid. My mother-in-law and I know the juvenile court judge well because she was the judge for a lot of our foster daughters. I was hoping she would recognize Spencer's last name. But not much happened because...get this....the KID DIDN'T SHOW UP. So they are setting another date. Hopefully within the next decade!

So REMEMBER kids, we ride IN, not ON, cars! Give me a call, I'll give you a ride to the skate park.

2008-11-19T12:39:00.000-08:00

Bad News

2008-11-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda sad today. Yesterday, I found out I have a bad heart valve. I went in to my OBGYN yesterday to followup on the ER visit from last friday. Dr Wolsey said I had a heart murmur. Which was a surprise. So he paiged the cardiologist on-call and they got me in right-away for a echocardiogram. The echocardiogram showed water on the lungs and the leaking heart valve. Dr Carter the cardiologist said the leak looked like something you would see in an old Grandma. So I'm thinking, "Great I have a grandma heart." The Doctors have talked about going on a diaretic to clear out the fluids in my lungs but that would dry up my milk so we are going to wait it out and just deal with the symptoms.
So the shortness of breath and heaviness in my throat when I lay down is from the leak. The leak wasn't caused by my pregnancy, the symptoms just brought the leak to our attention. Valve leaks are from a serious infection or your born with it. In high school when I was on the swim team, I had a stress test done, I was told the chest pain was just inflammation in my chest and to eat more salt. So all these years when I've been having chest pains, I thought it was anxiety or the costochondritis-inflammation in the cartilage. My question is why did it take 31 years for someone to hear the murmur? Weird.

I've been athletic and very active my whole life with the exception of pregnancy. Maybe this pregnancy just weakened my heart enough for the murmur to show up?

Until my next appointment with the cardiologist, in 2 weeks, I'm to work-up-to 30 minutes of walking. THIRTY MINUTES. That is PATHETIC, I'm 31 freaking years old! I did a triathlon 1 1/2 years ago, now I'm working on being able to walk 30 minutes. I guess I should be patient, take it slowly. But did I mention I'm only 31! Sorry a little sarcasm there. Now I'm done complaining I'll move on.

Update...

2008-11-15T21:07:00.000-08:00

Help! Does anyone know how to rotate pics on while composing blog after Image is loaded?

We spent half the day yesterday in the E.R. I was having breathing problems and chest pains. After having a EKG, X-ray, and CT scan we decided I wasn't going to die-no heart attack or blood clots. My blood pressure was high (it is usually really low) and I had a little water in my lungs. My body has a lot of water retention and it is settling in my lungs. They don't want to give me diuretics to reduce the water because it will dry up my milk. I have a head cold and plugged milk duct. Hopefully my OBGYN can give me a little more insight on Monday. It would be nice to be able to breath, heheheh.

Yesterday, baby Richard's billiruben levels spicked from 11 to 18 over night so now he is in a billiruben bed. Which means I can't hold him. :( Jaundice sucks!

Go Utes!!

2008-11-15T21:01:00.001-08:00

Gotta start this kid off right-IN RED- before Spencer gets to him.

Warning: Contains words like Cervix and Uterus

2008-11-15T20:40:00.000-08:00

Richard Oliver Musick’s Birth Story

Let me start by saying that I am so in love with this kid. Perhaps the difficult sacrifices we made to get him here attached me more deeply to this little person I just met. I can’t stop staring at his beautiful happy face.
Richard was conceived around Valentines’ Day, a love baby. It took every ounce of faith and courage I had to get pregnant again. I get pregnant embarrassingly easy but then have difficult pregnancies. Our babies have consecutively come earlier, with our last being pre-mature. Before getting pregnant I get depressed anticipating the sickness and loss of independence.
I had morning sickness up until about 7 months along. The nausea was significantly less at about five months and Zofran helps take the edge off the nausea. Along with nausea comes the urinary tract problems associated with dehydration. I managed to have few infections this time but had frequent bladder spasms due to all the irritation and scaring of past infections triggered by dehydration. At 20 weeks we went into Labor and Delivery because I was having contractions about 4 minutes apart. The next day we went in again and I was given Brethine to relax the contractions. I was told I had an irritable uterus (maybe caused because with Cynthia the placenta wouldn’t detach after delivery so the uterus had to be scraped) and would have to take it easy for the rest of the pregnancy. I couldn’t stand more than five minutes without triggering frequent contractions.
The ward helped us out for a few weeks with meals and babysitting and then that is when my angel of a Mother rescued me and became a frequent visitor to our house. After applying for a genealogical mission, the church misplaced her papers. Just about this time Taryn my sister-in-law and I found out we were pregnant and I went onto bed-rest. I don’t think it was an accident that she wasn’t given the calling because the Lord had another calling for her; to help my family. She had just had reconstructive surgery done for her double mastectomy and she was taking care of me. I remember her scraping out the mud in our gutters just 2 weeks after surgery. The kids love hanging out with “Grandma Lacey” (distinguished from other grandmas because of her Australian Sheppard- Lacey dog). She makes house chores fun and entertaining. I could never repay her for all she has done and given us. She lifted my spirit on hard days and gave me hope. It was the faith of her and others prayers that brought Richard full term and healthy.
At 30 weeks I started having painful contractions. Usually, between 12 and 2 AM. I learned that the only difference between false-labor and real-labor was that with one of them you ended up with a baby; equal in painfulness. After going to the hospital two more times I was given a prescription for Nortriptaline or Brethine to relax the uterus. The medication made me shake I felt like I was having panic attacks twelve hours after taking the medication. In general I have just hurt a lot. At 36 week we went to the hospital, after five hours of nauseatingly painful contractions, and then went home with no baby. We thought that when I went off the medication at 37 weeks we would soon have a baby. But to our surprise the hours of contractions stopped occurring.
It you know me, I’m independent and active, so being down for so long was REALLY hard. Four months of bed-rest gave me a chance to read a lot of books, learn to accept service from others (become more dependent), re-evaluate the important things in life, simplify my life and gave me time to think about deep gospel principles. Spencer has taken on the role of mother and father, he has been so kind and patient through the whole ordeal.
I was induced on November 10, my due date (or one week before my ultrasound due date). On the morning of Monday, November 10, we were schedule to be induced but had to wait until 10:00 pm because there was “no room in the Inn” or UVRMC. The storm had triggered labor in a lot of women so we had to wait for an opening. I was extremely anxious to “be done.” It was hard on my self esteem to have gained over 50 pounds. I snacked to keep the nausea at bay and sat on the couch for 4 months of bed-rest. I have lost significant amounts of muscle and find simple things exhausting. It’s going to be a lot of work to get back into shape, but he is so worth it.
Labor went slowly, after hours of maximum amounts of oxytocin (pitocin), my cervix was only dilated to a 4+. The contractions were painful so I was given a painkiller called Nubain into my IV, it felt fabulous. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been without pain. I had forgotten that you could actually live without pain. Life could be pleasant and void of restless leg syndrome, nausea, hip, and contraction pain. It’s funny that I had to go into real labor to be pain free.
I told the nurses that if they would break my water things would advance quickly and it did. I had the epidural put in and was ready to push in less than 2 hours. After the amniotic fluid was gone Richard’s heart rate dropped with every contraction. So they pumped saline solution back into the uterus and put a monitor on his head. With the other kids I did very little pushing. But Richard was posterior for most of the pushing and has a huge head. So the pushing part of the labor was difficult and long. I’m sure 4 months of bed-rest didn’t help my pushing strength.

On Nov 11th Veterans Day at 7:50 AM, 10 hours of labor, Richard came out and screamed for a long time. The nurses asked if our other kids cried like that, they weren’t. He weighed 8 pounds 1 oz and 20 inches long. He seemed huge to Spencer and I. He had a double chin, flattened nose and thick chest. When I first saw him I started crying. I tried not to bawl because it made my stomach shake while Dr Wolsey was still working on me. After being cleaned up Richard nursed like a pro and finally stopped crying.
We were in our room waiting for Richard to return from the nursery when we heard a baby screaming. I said, “Here comes Richard.” Sure enough it was our baby. We were worried that this was a fore shadow of the next six months. We joked that baby Richard took after Grandpa Richard—Grumpy. But now that we have got to know baby Richard we know that he is super good natured. They say that newborns can’t smile. But this sweet babe has the happiest face. He smiles all the time as if to say, “I got a body and get to be a part of this family.” I cry all the time when I think about him. The last nine months have been hell but he is worth it. Like I said before, I am so in love with him.

Barefoot and Pregnant

2008-11-07T12:33:00.000-08:00

Spencer told me that if I was still pregnant on Halloween, he was going to dress up as me. I said, "There is no way I will still be pregnant on Halloween." Well....I was wrong. He painted his fingernails, wore my jewelry, makeup, and dress, bought women's shoes from D.I. (which he didn't wear most of the day because of swollen feet) and a wig, and stuffed his chest and stomach. He got second place at his work party and was awarded 75$. My cute cross-dressing husband was called to be the first counselor in the Elders Quorum of our ward the next day.

I Got Gum!

2008-11-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of Halloween we put paper pumpkins in the window that Grandma Lacey (Thomsen) picked up for us. We waited to get adhesive tacky puddy to hang them up so as to prevent tape goop on the windows. The day after we hung the pumpkins in the windows with the yellow tacky puddy I noticed that all the pumpkins half way up the window were gone. I found a them stashed behind the couch. I laughed and went to put them up again but couldn't because all the puddy was gone. Then the aroma of stinky bum distracted me. While changing Cynthia's diaper I noticed she was chewing on something. I asked her what she was eating, she replied, "I got gum." Sure enough, Alex and Cynthia had no flavor, non-toxic, yellow, HandiTak chewing gum.

Armae for a Motorized Shopping Cart

2008-08-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

Being on bed rest can be the most stressful rest. To sit and just watch. Before I felt like I was racing to keep ahead and now I feel like the world is flying by. What would I do with out the help of others? It's hard to give up independence or to feel like you owe other something. But then the ability to be independent prevents us from being part of a community. Modern technology and society teaches us to be more independent which in the long term hurts us. For example casual sex is independence and immature love that results in emptiness and loneliness.

The Japanese use a term"armae" which can't be translated into English but in essence means to belong or be loved. In japan the more intimate a relationship the less you show gratitude because gratitude says "I owe you something." I don't agree with not showing gratitude but their attitude is that you give for the greater good of the community or relationship instead of feeling a sense of indebtedness. In general humans experience a sense of wanting to be a part of something more and I think this goes back to our pre-existance. We miss our Heavanly Father and crave a closeness to our family and ancestors. You rarely meet Christians that don't beleive they will be with family in the after-life, even though the LDS church is the only church that validates those deep instincts.

I don't know if this makes any sense, I'm rambling but I'm adjusting to the difference of being dependent and find myself reading great books and pondering deep gospel principles.

I went to the grocery store a month ago with Spencer to stock up on frozen dinners (which by the way are not so good despite what Spencer's childhood memories are). While driving out of the store praying nobody would see me sporting the motorized shopping cart, Spencer dared me to go off the curb and do a wheelie. I laughed so hard it started contractions, mortified by using a wheelchair with the hilariously wimpy beep of a horn and warning sound of the of the reverse gear. Scenes from Seinfeild flashed in my mind of when George fakes disability and ends up racing down the sidewalk on his Jazzie with a hot persuit of angry Jazzie drivers behind him. Some of you know what I'm talking about and are laughing too.

I need to learn a little armae with wheelchairs if I plan on going to the store again in the next couple of months.

Think "Green"

2008-05-17T16:00:00.000-07:00

Okay... so...being crappy sick all the time, I have watched more TV in the last few weeks than since I was a kid. And HD TV brings PBS to life. I am inspired to live more green. Maybe it is that spring is in the air but this is the inspiration I had.....ready for this......I want to raise chickens.

Okay, so do we get reported to the HOA (there was nothing in the codes covenants and restrictions about raising chickens) and do my neighbors think we are a little nutty back woods? Think of it, organic eggs (when it comes to my food, hormones and antibiotics freak me out, I don't want my daughters to start puberty at 8 years old) plus it teaches children to respect animals and work ethic. The closer we are to our food source the better it is for us. Then we could use the manure to fertilize the garden. I'm I getting freaky on anyone yet? I'm sure chicken poop is great for a compost pile. I haven't shared my inspiration with Spencer yet. But he is on the path because today he went to the hardware store with 2 kids and bought a couple hundred dollars of trax wood to build our grow boxes. Why is it that when you Google grow boxes it automatically thinks you want to grow cannabis?

I'm going to have to think more about the housing of the chickens and stuff.

Our backyard would be a 10 year old boys dream. With the river to huck stuff into and the wild animals to catch....chicken eggs to collect......poop to compost......ohhh yeah. Sometimes I think I should have been born male. How do dolls even come close to toads? I always tease Spencer that I use the power tools more than he does. But pregnancy kinda holds me back.

Mi Amor

2008-04-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Some of the things I love about Spencer

He is frugal and uses coupons.
The way he plays with our kidlings.
The scar on his chin because it reminds me that he has a great imagination. As a kid in Alhambra he was jumping on a bed pretending to be superman and jumped out a second story window. He often dreams of flying.
His big toes. It reminds me how dedicated Spencer is to the Lord. In Colombia, he did a lot of walking as a missionary and developed ingrown toe nails. When the nail was ripped off at a local red cross the nurse said it looked like a snail shell. He can't stand anyone touching his big toes.
He wears out his blading and wave board gear. He goes through a lot of jeans.
His friends call themselves the Old Dogs of Lord Town (odolt). Some of them are in their early forties. They get prompts at the skate park from the twelve year old kids (who call them the old guys) while getting sick air on their blades and carving with the wave board.
Spencer frequently gets blue and black "eggs" on his hips from going to the skate parks.
When we go snowboarding we are carefree and young.
When he talks about surfing with his Dad.
He never talks about himself. He would never tell you that he graduated on the Deans list with honors.
He would never tell you that he worked full time the whole eight years he was in school.
He is honest and loyal.
His computer GEEKINESS.
He can eat all day and not gain a pound (or maybe I hate him for that).
He isn't vain. I get embarrassed for him because he wears pants with holes in the knees to work. I guess they were comfortable.
How he treats his mother and father.
He is kind to animals.
He changes diapers and the litter box.
His green eyes, hands, thick black hair and muscular legs.
When he wears hats...even his BYU hat.
The way he quietly snores/breathes when he sleeps at night.
His smell or when he wears Cologne.
When he acts professional like.
When he gives preisthood blessings.
He is an eagle scout.
He is a good listener.
He likes playing softball with his Dad.
He plays on the computer with Katrina.
When we watch The Office or The Biggest Loser.
When he likes my cooking or at least tries it.
I like that he doesn't spend time watching sports.
When he fixes stuff. Like around the house and on computers.
His parallel thinking problems. I think thats what they call them? For example: a man is found hanging from a rope and there is only a puddle of water under him. How did he die?
His taste in music.
When he jams on his harmonica in the car.

That his last name is Musick.

Spencer's Mission President-Brother and Sister Nunez in Lima Peru

Candy Factory

2008-04-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

For Spring Break we visited Michelle in beautiful Folsom California known for it's very large men's prison. Michelle coped well with 11 house guests.

My favorite day was on the way to San Francisco. We never made it as far as San Fransisco. But on the drive we stopped in a small college town named Davis, it was picnic day. Thousand of people come together to.......picnic? We ate outside at a Bohemian restaurant called LITTLE PRAGUE. It was very romantic with the exception of three kids, two with ear infections. My prompts go out to the Czechs' for their potato pancakes.

Next we visited the world renown JELLY BELLY FACTORY. Wow...I was like a kid in the Willy Wonka factory minus the Oompa Loompas and the so fine Johny Depp. It was a happy place where Americans can dream of eating with out consequences. Did you know it takes 21 days to make a tootie frutie jelly belly? I steered clear of the Harry Potter beans like boogers, vomit (a recipe discovered when pepperoni pizza went wrong and a pinch of citric acid), grass, and pepper. I did try a Chili Releno (2 butter popcorn and 1 jalapeno) it made me queasy but there was no where to spit it out, so I swallowed. And quickly chased it with a cantaloupe Jelly Belly. There are hundreds of flavors.

To put the cherry on the sundae we went olive oil tasting. It was educational. I love bread and olive oil it makes me happy. Can you tell I'm pregnant? Food and I have a love-hate relationship.

While I have been neglecting my children, reading blogs, Cynthia bathed herself... with her clothes on. She tried sitting on a towel in the bath tub so she wouldn't get wet but quickly abandoned the plan. When I asked her if she was wet she responded with her classic, "nyeah." Which means yes. And then she asked for cheese. Her favorite.